On April 1st 2012 many people in Second Life were shocked to learn of the death of one of our own. The girl behind the avatars Lexy Rhode, Liam Drammond (Liam27), Cordelia Drammond (Cordelia Bayn), Carley Helendale and Gabriella Lockhart (Auralee Roxley) amongst others had breathed her last breath. She was many things to many people in SL: Daughter, mother, sister, ex-wife, lover and acquaintance. She wore many hats and tried to please everyone she met.

I was privileged to know the girl across avs. We first met in 2007 through a mutual friend. I found her to be a likeable addition to my Second Life and over the years we spent many hours roleplaying together, across avs. For a lot of the time her home location was on land that I either owned or rented. We spent many nights “shooting the breeze” and sharing our different opinions on events in SL and indeed our real lives as well.

I’m not alone in calling her friend. There are people like Maxi, Kaddy and Boo that know her far better in recent times than I do. My real life got busy with the birth of my second child and I neglected SL a bit. We’d briefly chat on Facebook or have plurk conversations but it’s been a while since we were actually in world together. It didn’t mean we cared about each other any less. I often wondered how she was doing, if she’d managed to open up to those closest to her about her fears and concerns. I wondered how the letter she took the time to write to her mum was received and if she truly felt she’d managed to get things off her chest. There things I will never know.

What saddens me is what I’m hearing about the consequences of her death. Unfortunately SL is always full of drama and at a time when people should be pulling together to honour her memory, they are being torn about by pettiness. “Friends” are stabbing each other in the back. People are iming others that they’ve never met and making wild acquisitions without any proof. At least one person has received death threats. Accounts have been hacked. Plurk timelines have been used to make passive aggressive attacks on others and to gain sympathy because “Woe is me … my friend died … I loved her more than anyone … pity me.” I guess even to some extent this blog entry detracts from what we should be doing which is honouring her memory.

Lexy would be mortified by what’s happening. It’s really uncalled for. Does it really matter who knew her longest? Does it really matter who was her family? Does it really matter who was there when she was crying over yet another guy who’d let her down? If it does then let me have a pity party too and claim that I’d be there for her when no one else was. But that’s a god damn load of shit. Face it … Lexy had a hell of a lot of friends. Her friends list on Lexy alone had over 200 avatar names on it. Chances are most of us were there at some stage when she needed it, some more often than others.

To suggest that someone has more right to grieve than someone else is ludicrous. Unless you can get in to someone else’s head and know exactly what their feeling you have no right to judge them. You have no right to tell anyone “It’s been a week … move on.” For some of us it will take a lot longer than a week to feel comfortable enough to say goodbye. Some of us will never be ready, we’ll just learn to cope better. No one has the right to tell anyone that it’s time to let go.

I don’t even have any right to tell you to stop bickering, pointing fingers, iming strangers and making threats against their lives. I do however have the right to my opinion, just as you have to yours. I think some of you need to stop acting like spoiled five year old who’ve had a lollipop snatched from their hands and realise that it’s not about you.

RIP my dear friend. I’m sorry we didn’t spend a lot of time with each other recently. I wish we had. Until we meet again watch over us all, ignore the pettiness. People loved you. Grief makes people do stupid things.